Last weekend, our family participated in the local pride parade with a group from my husband's work. Before the parade, our son wanted to get a pride flag to wave. He has always loved flags and can identify the flags for most countries of the world. Flags are powerful symbols of identity, which is why the artist Gilbert Baker chose to make a rainbow flag the symbol of gay pride in 1978.
It wasn't until the 1990s that pride flags multiplied and got more specific. Like most human traits, sexuality and gender identification exists on a spectrum. So having different pride flags is a great way to represent the LGBTQ+ community's diversity. Different flags allow specific groups — such as bisexual, transgender and asexual individuals — to feel seen in a way that one single overarching flag cannot.
We found a vendor with several pride flag options. I chose a pansexual pride flag. I love that this designation is available today, because when I was young, the only terms I'd ever heard were gay, straight or bisexual. None of these felt right for me. I would tend to describe myself as heteroflexible. Gender didn't really play a role in my attraction to another person. I was attracted to someone based on who they were and how they expressed themselves — their energy, not their specific biology. Yes, I married a man whom I love very much, but marrying a man doesn't make me straight. Nor does it mean I'm somehow unsatisfied or wishing for a different experience. It means I chose the right person for me, not simply the right man.
My son picked the green, white and black flag, the aromantic flag. It represents people who experience little to no romantic attraction to others. At age 10, he thought it fit because he has absolutely no interest in romance at this point in his life. I loved that he found a flag that expressed how he feels right now.
That may change as he gets older or it may not. Personal exploration is part of life's grand experience. The important thing is that our son knows his parents love and support him, no matter what. His kindness, integrity and generosity of spirit matter most to us, not who he may or may not love.
My husband is straight, but he is also an ally. He, too, found a flag to express that support during the pride parade.
The wonderful thing about participating in pride as a family is that our kids know they never have to come out of the closet because they're never put in one to begin with.
Finding flags that reflected who we are reminded me why visibility matters in the first place. I recently listened to researcher Brene Brown on her podcast "The Curiosity Shop" with organizational psychologist Adam Grant. She said that shame needs three things to thrive: judgment, silence and secrecy. Our flags defied judgement while rejecting silence and secrecy.
The out and proud give each community the opportunity to show love and support while countering any hate LGBTQ+ individuals may feel from others. Data from the Trevor Project shows that "LGBTQ+ young people with at least one accepting adult in their life report significantly lower rates of attempting suicide."
Everyone should be able to live as their true selves without shame or rejection. That's what pride means to our family: not deciding who our son should become, but giving him the freedom to discover that for himself. Our job isn't to decide who our children will love. Our job is to make sure they never doubt that they are loved.
Do you know anyone who's doing cool things to make the world a better place? I want to know. Send me an email at Bonnie@WriterBonnie.com. Also, stay in the loop by signing up for her weekly newsletter at WriterBonnie.com. To find out more about Bonnie Jean Feldkamp and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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