DR. WALLACE: Our family has the tradition of exchanging holiday gifts with each other. Every year, I feel extremely stressed about what gifts to buy everyone, as it gets more and more confusing each year. I'm also not the type to ask anyone what they would like to get in terms of a gift from me.

My usual culmination of his stress ends up with me going on a weekend-long bender and buying every single gift within a 48-hour window. I'll find them all, plus a few independent stores and attack them like a Viking centuries ago seeking to conquer new lands. I'm facing another similar distasteful experience unless I can come up with a new plan, and quickly. Any ideas? — Tremendously Gift Challenged, via email

TREMENDOUSLY GIFT CHALLENGED: Immediately sit down and think about who you could go shopping with. Find a friend, an acquaintance or any viable person who can assist you in going shopping within the next day or two.

The two of you can discuss the ages, genders, and preferences of those you'll be buying gifts for and hopefully you can help each other. Between the two of you, you may know of some stores and locations to shop that the other person is not aware of. In addition, setting an appointment to shop with another person creates accountability and will get you going far sooner than your usual procrastinating ways.

I HAVE AVOIDED MY FATHER FOR YEARS

DR. WALLACE: I'm a girl who is a junior in high school and I've always had a difficult relationship with my father. Mostly because of how he treated my mother and my younger brother.

My dad generally never yelled at me, but he had a pretty bad drinking problem, and he often took it out on my mother and even my younger brother at times. However, about six months ago, I noticed a change in my father, and I gradually found out through other extended family members that my dad had done something about his drinking. As far as I can tell, he stopped drinking alcohol entirely, and although things aren't perfect, his relationship with my mother and my brother has greatly improved, to say the least.

What's interesting is that our relationship, meaning mine, and his directly, hasn't changed much at all. He never yelled at me, went after me or created any problems for me other than the collateral damage I experienced.

I always wished I had a closer relationship with my father, and this new development certainly presents an opportunity for that, but I don't know what to do in terms of how to speak to him. For the past several years, I've done my best to stay out of his way and say as little to him as possible. Is there anything I can do about this? — He's a New man for Now, via email

HE'S A NEW MAN FOR NOW: It sounds like the situations you've been in over the past several years have been challenging on many levels for you. Seeing a parent mistreated, in this case, your mother, and at times a sibling as well, definitely takes its toll on a person like you mentally, psychologically and at times even physically.

At this point, you should, of course, root for your father to continue succeeding in his new life without alcohol. Obviously, it's not your place to be condescending towards him or to tell him anything specific about how he should act now or in the future.

Instead, find what you feel to be a good time and simply walk up to your father, give him a good, solid hug that you hold for a full 3 to 5 seconds and when you step back from the embrace, look him in the eyes and tell him sincerely just how proud of him you are.

I feel this is the best first step you can make towards engaging your father more directly. After you hopefully can accomplish this, watch his reactions toward you in the future, and at some point, ask him for his advice about something important to you. It does not matter what the subject of your question is, just that it's a realistic topic a daughter could ask her father about. Most dads love to give advice and guidance, especially to their daughters. Another thing you could do down the road is to ask him to help you with an errand or go with you to buy a gift for your mother, for example. Spending some gradual one-on-one time with him can establish and strengthen the bonds between the two of you over time.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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